Monday, October 14

Behind The Walls.

Do you know that feeling when sometimes you just want to rip off another person's mask? Wondering and pondering the question to see if they really are who they are on the surface and beneath .

Are they flowers underneath?
Or are they dense darkness?

Have you just ever once , thought of that?

Imagine , your friends , they act around you. Imagine your so-called blood-relations , acting. When you find out the truth , what would you do?

Sometimes I really wonder, are the people around me , really caring for me? Or am I all alone?

There are those days when I am contented , completely happy and suddenly , the devil hangs over me. Spreading horrid memories , horrid what ifs around my head.

What if I died?
What if my loved once died? ( /touch wood!/ ) x

Imagine you all alone in the world.

I remember I asked my grandma once , did she miss her parents? Boy did I get a story. I literally teared up after hearing it.

My grandma's adopted. She's a chinese but got adopted by an Indian family , that explains my descendant. My grandma said she loves NOTE THE S SHE STILL LOVES THEM , her unbiological parents. She says she has , and she is sure , that every adopted child has pondered the question on who they're real parents are. My grandma says she misses her parents very much and says she may be reunited with them soon.

I cried , tears rolled down my cheeks.

My dad also had a hard life. His late dad passed when he was 8 years old. EIGHT. He apparently had a disease which required loads of money for surgery and unfortunately , that time , my dad's family wasn't wealthy. This is the reason on why my dad tries to be the best dad he can to us and I really really appreciate it a lot.

My dad had a similiar disease as his dad when I WAS EIGHT. I remember balling my eyes out day and night , sitting for my exams when I was 8 , with the fear of my dad's disease. Thankfully , we had the right amount of money for surgery. However , during the surgery , the doctor warned that it may or may not work. I remember the day before the surgery , my dad took my sister , mom and I on a shopping spree. I was really young at that time and I didn't understand what was really going on. I happily shopped while my mom looked really down. I remember how much I wanted a purple diary , my mom said no as she knew I was only wasting money and won't use it.

My dad , however , took the opportunity and said this is a way for me to remember him. I remember I was ecstatic , still oblivious to what was going on in my family.

That night , we slept late. My dad was really scared of the operation , I could tell. I remember us sitting at the bar counter ( in my house ) . My dad asked me , VERY CLEARLY I REMEMBER.

Would it be ok if I go , Supriya?

I remember nodding my head. Thinking that he was asking me if it was ok if he went for the SURGERY not if he went - you know what I mean.

My mom's eyes bulged and my dad smiled.

He then looked at my mom and said

See , she says its ok. I don't have to go through the operation.

That was when I realised my dad asked if it was ok if he went and never came back.

I remember being pushed to bed , sleeping with fears. Fears of waking up and not seeing my dad.

// I'm crying right now. The memories. //

The next day , my grandpa sent me to school. I hugged my dad. He looked so lifeless , I was scared.

When I came home , no one greeted me.

It was only pure silence.

Again , I was scared .

The next day , I went to school again , my mom was still no where to be seen.

I was scared that it was going to happen to me like how it happened to him

I was afraid.

What makes matter worst was that I didn't have any friends in school.

My so-called classmates were very mean to me , most probably because I wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I remembered crying really hard, I was so scared.

The following day , my mom called. I remember her tone of voice , so happy.

My dad had made it through the 4 hour operation.

I was happy , but I didn't know why.

Being 8 , I was naïve.

I remember always visiting my dad in the ICU and after a week , in the normal wads.

I remember sitting on his hospital bed , watching him go through the pain and overcome it with exercises.

I don't know why I'm all of a sudden typing all this out.

The memory suddenly came to me.

I remember when I was older , my mom told me that my Dad underwent the surgery for me and my sister. He said he didn't want to leave us like how his dad left him , though it was force.

I cried.

My dad is the best dad ever.

The scar on his chest is always a reminder to me of what he did for us.

The scar is still there , and its been SIX years.

The scar holds true meaning.

The meaning of his love to us.

I love you Dad.

You taught me the value of love.


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